no need to wonder what's been on my mind

so, it's pretty obvious that i haven't written in a long time. i haven't written much at all this summer, actually. it's partially because i've been busy and partially because i just haven't felt like it, and partially because i'm, well, happy. this has probably been the best summer i've had in... as long as i can remember, and so i don't feel the need to rant as much as i used to. sure, i could talk about the 39 year old customer who came in with his 19 year old girlfriend, or how weird our dog is about his functions, or about how i have mixed feelings about heading back to school. but honestly, i went to the beach today and got a sunburn, so i'm really too tired to get into all that.
i guess this is my way of saying that i am officially going on hiatus for a while. i don't know when/if i'll start writing again, i might be needing to save all of my wit for my school writings. i've been writing this crap for over three years now, and it's been fun, and maybe i'll start up another blog in a few months. we'll see.
anyways, thanks for reading my ramblings, you probably won't miss them too much. oh, who am i kidding? you will.

i don't come cheap but the kisses come free

today on the bus i saw a man make a balloon animal.

in case that golden phrase isn't enough to tastily moisten your mind, i will elaborate. on the way home from work, not too far from my stop, a man got on the bus. at first glance, one could tell he was a little odd. he sat near the front, reached into his pocket, took out one of those long balloons, and blew it up. then he fashioned it into an animal, i believe it was a giraffe. a blue one. just to clarify, there were no children around, nor did he appear to be discussing the dynamics of balloon animals with anyone. especially since he wasn't sitting near other people. for the rest of the time i was on the bus, he just sat there holding his blue balloon giraffe, not talking to anyone, or even himself.

you can't make this shit up.

while you're there, would you mind taking this knife out of my back?

is it just me, or does anyone find wikipedia posts like this one to be fucking hilarious?: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fist_pound

it's just written so classily, and gives ETIQUETTE rules on FIST POUNDING. not fisting, pervs, fist pounding. not sure what that is? well, wikipedia that shit.

i told ya i was trouble

anyone who knows me well knows how much i hate a lot of the shitty music that is popular with the majority of today's youth. this includes pop bands like fall out boy (pity, they were alright when they were indie), and panic at the disco (fuck the exclamation mark). but what makes me hate those bands more is their stealage of lines from the movie closer.
anyone who knows me well also knows how much i love that film. it is in my top ten, and that is saying quite a lot, seeing as movies are my third favorite activity in life. so it really pisses me off when lines from a brilliant film are used in a craptastic medium like the songs done by those bands. what irks me MORE, is that the large percentage of the people who listen to that shite have most likely never seen closer, and therefore think that their emo idols can actually write lines like that. no, no, no.
i've heard some people give them 'props' for giving 'shout outs' to the movie. is that what it is? taking the eloquent rage from an oscar-nominated script (that should have won, screw ethan hawke) and dumbing it down to a pop song that will be forgotten in a year? props, kids, props.

apparently, i only call neil for sex when i'm drunk.*

for some reason, londontown has been overrun by young spanish youths. four times in the last three days i have encountered little clusters of spanish kids, around 15 or 16 years old, all over london. i have no idea what they are doing here, and clearly i am too lazy to seriously look into it, so if anyone has any information about it, i'm interested.

*i guess i've the need to clarify that the title of this blog post is a joke. i've never written about my sex life, and am not starting now. i don't know anyone in london called neil. it was a funny situation involving a wrong number and a mistaken identity. that's all.

thank you, now you're the parasite

so at the bus stop while i was waiting to get home, i got to experience some of the youth of today and their deep, stimulating conversation. they were two young girls, probably around fourteen or fifteen years old, generic skinny blondes in almost the same outfit, you've all seen the type.
anyways, the bus was a bit late, so the one girl looked at her watch and exasperatedly stated: "omfg!! where is the bus?!"
not, oh my fucking god (that's some delicious blasphemy, by the way), but she said the letters. oh-em-eff-gee. i know that language is an evolving thing, but isn't this more like de-volving? in the future, is everything going to be just initials of things? all eloquence just gone?
maybe those girls were just especially stupid, who knows.

i thought i knew you well. oh, well.

this happened a long time ago, but i didn't really tell many people about it, so i'm going to now.
a few saturdays ago, we had a bit of excitement at the store. we had a visit from the asian crime ring. now, before you get all excited and imagine some showdown with guns blazing, let's be realistic: it's lenscrafters. anything outside the norm is exciting when you work in a lab.
apparently there is this asian couple that have worked the white oaks mall for years, stealing stuff, assuming to resell somewhere. they hadn't been seen in months, until recently. their new ruse is that the woman goes around in a wheelchair pushed by the man, shoving things at her level in her bag. i'm assuming this is so people will feel sorry for her and be less inclined to suspect her of shoplifting. pure evil, i know. anyways, jess, one of the girls i work with in the lab, saw the woman putting something in her bag, and told jeff, another lab rat. jeff has been there for a while and recognized the couple as the thieving bastards from months back. once the couple saw jess and jeff looking at them, they left the store really quickly. the rats alerted the manager and when they checked the stock, three pairs of ralph lauren sunglasses were missing. mall security was alerted and the couple was tracked down, while we all waited in excited anticipation. and here is my favourite part : the guy takes off and LEAVES the woman behind. anyways, she's arrested, they find the sunglasses, and they eventually track down the guy. and the two are part of an asian crime ring that works london.
i just thought it was funny. it was hilarious to be there, for sure. we make glasses, for chrissakes. we need a little entertainment once in a while.